Welcome in 2021. Today I discovered that Freud, my cat, hacked my computer.
I know it sounds impossible, but that's the consequence of upgrading his prefrontal cortex to new OS version and injecting with new category of neuroboosters. Damn vet. She advised that I take those upgrades so that cat can deal better with overall metabolic management, but it turned out he developed new cognitive skills very quickly.
He is not the most advanced model of transgenetically modified and cybernetically augmented cat (street name 'modcat'). Freud is a cheap solution, a crossbreed you can easily obtain in Glasgow Barras AI black market for less than £70. Certainly you have to invest into upgrades almost straight away and eventually register it with NAPS (National AI Pet System), so for additional £40 you are sorted. The maintenance costs are minimal. Modcats eat less and produce less solids, they also process any type of organic food as their stomachs have been growth using pig's genes. Of course with second-hand modcats is like with a cheap cars - you will have to invest into it forever, but you feel too attached to get rid of it.
Freud has neurointerface to plug his neural system directly into VR (Virtual Reality). That was another mistake - NEVER implant your pet with VR interface. They spend most of their time in the Net which boosts their IQ exponentially within 6 months. Don't get me wrong - he still wants to play in the real world, but most of 18 hours per day he retreats into this crazy pet's VR. He sometimes simulates that he plays with me, but he is actually in VR. I can't really say, because cats are erratic by their nature… And I am suspecting that he somehow mapped my body movement and facial expression patterns, so he exactly knows how to act to get the most food from me.
So it was just a question of time when he decided to get a motor cortex growth factor and some software to enhance his cognitive functions. When I was asleep he logged to Amazon and downloaded upgrades directly via his neurointerface using my credit card (software is non-returnable). Cheeky bastard!
Motor cortex growth factor arrived today via DHL - a small pill with nanobots. When consumed, nanobots travel with bloodstream to your brain and attach themselves to the area around homunculus, strengthening connectivity and stimulate synapses to produce more dopamine. This basically creates the entire new level of capacities to move around the environment. I didn't give them to Freud saying that I will return growth factor pills to Amazon because he went too far using my credit card to get them. So in response he created a Facebook page where he slags me! Please, don't encourage him to post things on there and don't believe him!
Never trust biocybernetically modded cats!
[Photo done by automatically triggered movement sensitive security camera before Freud disabled it.]
